ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript

Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. A goose is the only animal on the planet could take a jetliner out of the fucking sky and make it land on the Hudson River. Id have said, Aint nobody gonna pay to watch fat midgets fuck fat midgets. Bullshit, theres a sequel. Not plump girls, not fat girls. I know theyre perfectly content to live the way they do. Its very short. Literally, people come from all over the world to buy stuff for their shops, and my wife said, My friends having a shower. Somebodys gotta drive. Theres nothing you can do about it. You cant fix stupid. that does it for me tonight, thanks for spending part of your saturday with us. Your email address will not be published. Rejuvenate your vagina. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up on Netflix, This story has been shared 41,150 times. Numan1235cansunar2234comtr. An action packed stay in rehab. The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. Its got three comedy clubs and Id just done a 15-minute set in the OR, which is the original room, but they call it the OR. password | 846 views, 6 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Power Trip: Lil' B and Meatsauce take on Justin Gaard and. Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. Do not try that at home. What's he doing? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 12 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I could not possibly care any less. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boo boot leather. White, meanwhile, has survived both divorce and divorce lawyers, and has put a lot of thought into drunk-driving checkpoints, the handsomeness of Chris Hemsworth, and the radical terrorist Canadian geese.. By creating an account, you agree to the But I took her to Vegas. Montreals a gorgeous city, and the festivals are done in 20 venues all over the town, beautiful thing. The one I saw was called, Its Just Lunch, and what they do is they just hook people up, and they have lunch, broad daylight, right in the middle of the day. Bienvenidos a un nuevo episodio de Estrenos en Netflix!Hoy vamos a hablar de un especial de comedia de Ron White que se llama \"If you quit listening, i'll shut up\", y que se estren en Netflix el 16 de Octubre de 2018.Muchos chistes machistas y muchas groseras, pero un comediante que es un Sandy y que sale a escena con un vaso de whisky y un puro. They are. And right before I went on stage, I was in the green room of the main room, and they came over there and they said, Ron, they need you in the OR. I never thought anybody would fucking say that, you know? Squirrels. Lets do a big shot of tequila, you snort some cocaine off my dick and fuck me right up the butt. And they march off to the bathroom and do exactly that, exactly then, and the reason they can is theres not a woman there to go, Well, thats morally wrong and bathrooms arent near clean enough to butt-fuck in. Oh, they beg to differ. See how much funner it is to say? Sorry. And Ill tell you why I didnt have a problem with it, cause I thought the number of people beating off to my image was zero. Its a dating website and I actually saw another dating website that made me think of mine. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Netflix Ron 'Tater Salad' White is bringing his classic story-telling style of standup special, 'If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up,' to Netflix this week, and he is surely going to get you laughing your guts off. Thats all. Its like you were waiting in line for two hours to ride a roller coaster and it finally shows up and the seats are kinda bumpy and worn out. In fact, if shes too clean, I salt her. 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Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Thats why. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up I go, I know its our first night in town but Im gonna go drinking with the boys, and she goes, [slurring] Fine, just leave me in a hotel room by myself? Im like, Youre starting to get it.. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. I got attacked by a goose when I was a kid. And thats about a 45-second task with me at 18 years old. All right. You know, the fame and fortune and all that? And I said, I dont think so, but I kept thinking about it, and I realized its changed me in two ways. What? Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! Thanks a lot. And I think thats why they marry so many of them. And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. It was a demo when I bought it, had 350 yards already on it, but I put the other 400 yards on it myself. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Cats die when they touch the road. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. I got like 20 tweets from one guy, going, My wifes pussy was burning like No, you didnt. It all smells like piss, dude. But it sure helps to have a headliner believe in you like Foxworthy believed in White. [silly voice] Just lunch and a blowjob! Lady in the first show goes, Whats in it for the woman? Im like, Lunch. [high-pitched] Its just lunch. My friend told me the other day that he wouldnt give his wife head unless she just came out of the shower, and I told him Ill give my wife head if she just came out of the gym. The money sadly aint much better for aspiring stand-ups in 2018 than it was some two or three decades earlier for White. How much is the personal massager shaped like a big black cock? I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. I know it smells like piss. No, thats our boy Tater Salad, is who that is. And before the thing started, I had my tour bus up there, Jeff and I are sitting on my tour bus and this Golden Corral commercial comes on television, which is where Jeff works now. This happened last Wednesday at The Comedy Store in LA. Kathleen Madigan: Hunting Bigfoot (2023) | Transcript, Marc Maron: From Bleak to Dark (2023) | Transcript, Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle (2023) | Transcript. And you know why theyre having so much fun? I dont have another eight goddamn dollars. And I called the front desk in a panic. Cinemark Im like, What do I even do? In this hour, White regales his audience with anecdotes about a young fan approaching him at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, about how he lost his virginity at 18 over and over again to prostitutes, his offbeat presidential ambitions, and even how he tried to overcome his anxiety with bedwetting as a child. That Yale snob fucking piece of shit, fucked me out of so goddamn much money. RON WHITE: IF YOU QUIT LISTENING, I'LL SHUT UP (2018) - FULL TRANSCRIPT October 19, 2018 Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. 5,093, This story has been shared 4,772 times. I really do. 41,150, This story has been shared 20,592 times. Geese started flying through the engines of that jet. White, I smell alcohol on your breath. I said, Thats been there since 77, dude. You pour that much Scotch on a tongue, its gonna smell like Scotch forever. Or any. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I let 150 dudes suck my dick? 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Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic hall of fucking Let me try that again. Eat this baby goose pussy lip taco., Back in 1996, my dear friend Jeff Foxworthy became the biggest comedian that ever lived. We would sit around, drink, and and talk about maybe one day, you know? Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? Cause .08s not drunk. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. So I really had to call and promote these shows and get everybody to come out, and I called this radio station in London. I may or may not be a little drunk. No other animal crosses the road with this kind of fucking poise. Just lunch. From the big lip to the little lip, right over the clit, tuck in the meat curtains if you got em. Charming. She goes, Listen, Ron. 'Fatal Attraction' Episode 2 Recap: The Beginning & End of the Affair, Stream It Or Skip It: 'A Small Light' On Nat Geo, Hulu And Disney+, About The Woman Who Helped Anne Frank And Her Family Hide From The Nazis, 'Fatal Attraction' Episode 1 Recap: Business with Pleasure, Stream It Or Skip It: There There on Hulu, A Talky Compendium of Short Scenes with a Clever Visual Trick, PSA to David Bowie Fans, 'Moonage Daydream' Is Now Streaming on HBO, Joy Behar and Stanley Tucci Bond Over Italian Stereotypes on 'The View': "Innately Evil", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Secrets of the Elephants' on Disney+, a Typically Gorgeous and Informative Documentary Series, James Brolin Spooked by Son Josh's Nude Photo on 'The View': "Oh My God! Sure, they bleed to death in the trash can when you throw them away, but theyre baby ducks. It seemed like they would give you a sack or something. They also say friends dont let friends drive drunk. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! [high-pitched] Thats all. She bought me a bicycle, thinking I might ride it. I dont remember. And not because if somebody was breaking into our house, they would make a bunch of noise and scare those people away, because you couldnt possibly wake them up. And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction! All rights reserved. Its for sale. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. I I got nowhere to be. You know, they do that now. Id help you move it out, but Im bleeding. I really do. And traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. These two comics dont have any money. Id give you half my shit right now, but I dont make up the rules.. I just told her the other day. I only have the room key. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! What kind of balls does it take to put the word corral on the name of your fucking restaurant? Boy, do they know that demographic! This is drunk. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Im like, No! I do it all the time. Always has been. Whats the problem? I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, What did you order? Cast Away. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. Over 15 million albums, not including the millions and millions of Blue Collar albums you guys bought. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Thats what happened to that plane Sully landed on the Hudson River. No sabemos si las ancdotas son ciertas o es todo parte de la rutina, pero sea como fuere, la balanza se inclina 3 a 0 a favor, razn por la cual tens que ver este especial ;)Hasta el prximo episodio Gracias por ver! Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! Im there for eight months. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. And I was so goddamn mad. Terms and Policies Build a net. Im 61 years old now, and I know two things to be true. Get in the car. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. Coming Soon. This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. I got a good idea, Tommy. 7:31. We have an all-access pass to Las Vegas, which is way better than the no-access pass we had right before that. Were just gonna have lunch. Well, Bills doing one show at the big Forum down at Caesars, and were doing three shows a night in a smaller room. Thats how much money Ive got. It happened a long time ago, which doesnt fucking matter. It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. our special coverage of the white house correspondents dinner starts right now neck . Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. But she was well within my budget. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. Im not a 21-year-old, puking cheap tequila through my nose. 1,410, This story has been shared 1,216 times. Im not gonna do it. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper,The Comics Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. I know this. Lets go to this thing. Ron White has his unique way to bring his jokes, with his heavy voice abused from years of cigars and alcohol he gets your immediate attention. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. Apparently there were some unanswered questions in Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets. No, you fucking didnt. Coming Soon, Regal
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